Is it Worth it?

Is it worth it? Very broad and thought provoking question Callum! I kinda felt the need to write this, given the situation I’ve found myself in these last few weeks. January has really seen me lacking in motivation & my usual mojo.

I can’t lie, I’m really feeling the pressure of my final year at university – as I’m sure many others are too. Yes, we’re lucky to be in a position where higher education is available to us. But the pressure that comes with it, is pretty intense. Hence the question, it is worth it?

Most student’s calendars are probably marked with deadlines & furious scribbles of plans to meet said deadlines. Couple that with a job & life plans, relationships & friendships, you’ve got a recipe for a sinking ship. We’re all chasing our goals & striving to improve our lives, but are we really improving if we’re missing the chance to enjoy the present moment?

Recently I’ve been suffering from a poor sleeping pattern, disjointed exercise routine & unhealthy eating habits. Which is fine short term. But after a while, it starts to cause havoc with your stomach & in turn, your mind. It’s just not a healthy way to live & the effects become pretty clear, pretty quick.

The first thing that gives way for me is my patience & tolerance towards others. I hate myself for it. But that’s the first sign things are on that downward spiral, back into the proverbial ‘rut’ again.

I constantly question why I’m putting myself through this. It is simply because society dictates we should get as highly qualified as possible?

I guess the ultimate answer is that I do want this degree. I absolutely do. Just right now, I’m blind to the benefit of it – mostly due to tiredness!

This past weekend, I had been looking forward to meeting up with some fellow outdoor adventure enthusiasts in the Lake District. But I simply had to cancel.

I woke up on Sunday morning just feeling horrendous. Not fit for anything. No self-confidence to meet anybody, no get up & go, just no usual mojo for adventure. Whether it was just one of those days, or something more, I’m yet to find out, but I just didn’t feel myself at all.

What I can say, it that it was all because of the pressure I’ve been putting myself under recently. Is it worth it?

I rely on exercise to flush away the stress of daily routine & constant cycle of deadlines. Exercise is my way of pressing the reset button. But sometimes life throws you curveballs where you have to skip exercise for one day – and that’s the problem, we skip exercise, we don’t skip the thing putting us under pressure. That’s where the problems start for me. If I miss one day of exercise, it becomes too easy to skip a few more – before you know it, you’re back into the unhealthy habits again. It’s really that easy to spiral downwards.

Some of you may have been following my progress in the Red January initiative & may be wondering what happened to that. Well it was all going well, running up a new hill everyday – until day 15. I took a tumble as I was rushing back down to get into work, but didn’t feel anything from it till mid-afternoon. After the fall I got up & felt fine, so naturally carried on running. Obviously you don’t carry on running on a heavily sprained ankle, if you know about it! I didn’t notice at the time.

It wasn’t till mid-afternoon the pain started to kick in, by evening time it was unbearable. So off to A&E expecting the worst to be confirmed, a broken ankle.

Luckily it wasn’t that bad, just heavily sprained. But after a week of rest and slipping back into that negative cycle, I find myself here struggling once again.

I wanted to get this out there for others, who like me, strive for career success whilst also pursuing adventure. It can all get a bit much sometimes. Sometimes we just crash & feel the need to shut ourselves out.

It’s no secret that social media lacks transparency. I may look to live a fun and adventurous lifestyle, but I don’t share the bit where I’m working from 7am till 1am. There’s nothing healthy about it. The only person putting myself under that pressure is me. I tell myself its only short term, but short term has been nearly 4 years now. I tell myself it’ll all be over in May. But, is it worth it?

Is it worth the sacrifice I’ve made along the way?

Sacrificing quality of friendships & relationships? Sacrificing time spent pursuing the things I love?

I understand we have to make sacrifices; we can’t have everything in life. But surely there’s a better compromise to be had than working stupid hours just to pursue a career.

I work all hours during the week, such that I can have my weekends free. But if you burn the wick at both ends, eventually that flame goes out. That’s how I feel at weekends right now. Work hard & the have zero motivation to pursue my hobbies. Doubt creeps in, I leave myself feeling drained & totally demotivated.

I guess it’s easy enough to say ‘just get up & get it done’, sometimes putting that motto into practice can be hard work.

I don’t proclaim to have mental health problems, just a very busy life. In an era where so many suffer in silence, I think it’s more important than ever to be transparent – especially in light of the ‘Mountains for the Mind’ campaign, via Trail Magazine & Mind Charity. https://www.bauermedia.co.uk/newsroom/press-releases/trail-magazine-links-with-mental-health-charity-mind-for-mountains-for-the-mind-campaign

Just my 2 pennies worth on something that affects so many. Here’s hoping 2019 is the year we show a little more transparency.

Thanks as always for reading!