Diaries of an Aspiring Ultracyclist: Developing the Right Mindset

I’ve had a bit of an epiphany regarding ultra-distance riding & racing. So far in 2022 I’ve entered two races; the Dales Divide & All Points North – both resulting in DNFs. I should be disappointed, yet I only feel acceptance. This epiphany I’ve had is more a moment of acceptance, realising that I’m still developing the right mindset for ultra-distance racing & right now, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I haven’t got it.

This is not to say I’ve gone off ultra-distance – far from it – just that I’ve accepted ‘racing’ isn’t a possibility unless everything is physically & mentally 100% right. It would be fair to say I’ve been a little too casual about ultra-distance this year, under-estimating the level of commitment required & over-committing myself in other areas of general life. I’ve realised that a shift in my approach towards ultra-distance, focussing on touring & just finishing the events I’ve entered would result in a much higher level of satisfaction, as opposed to going all out to race.

I’m comfortable with the scratches I’ve registered so far this year as I understand the reasons why. I thought I’d put a lot of work in over winter, but now I realise I didn’t do enough of the right work. I neglected my S&C work; I was inconsistent in my training; I was overloading myself & not allowing sufficient recovery. When compounded, I’ve developed tightness & imbalances, which has caused problems in my knee – again. Although I had a decent winter, spring has been a disaster. The events I’d hoped to use as a spring board early this summer haven’t gone well. But I’ve learned from both events & that’s all I can ask.

My problems first arose during de-load week before the Dales Divide – sods law that it would happen the week before my first race, after what I thought had been a really productive off-season! The Dale’s Divide is a route I scratched on last year, but have become really familiar with it since moving to the Dales. I was confident in my mind I would be capable of challenging at the front end of the race, as a result I set out on the Dales Divide hoping the niggles would settle as I got riding. But I also made a deal with myself that if I got to 140km (10km from my house), I would end the ride there & ride home, rather than push on and risk further damage.

The Dales Divide 2022 was a really fast start on the lanes out of Arnside, I found myself in third, about 10minutes behind Angus & Chris – marginally ahead of the chasing front pack, as we got into the hills I’m well acquainted with. I felt good physically, but the discomfort in my knee wasn’t sub-siding. I also snapped my chain & my derailleur wasn’t shifting at all right. I accepted the deal I made with myself at the start, and felt that the bike problems were also another indicator that maybe I shouldn’t push it. Looking back now, this is perhaps more so my mindset being very one-dimensional; ‘race or nothing’ – had I been in touring mode, I wouldn’t have even questioned taking half an hour to fix it properly, heck, I build my own bikes & I was carrying the tools to fix it!

I started to understand a little more about this ‘race or nothing’ mindset a few weeks later, up in the Highlands riding the Cairngorms Loop with a friend. This was purely touring, riding all day, but at a leisurely pace, taking our time to find decent camp spots. I enjoyed the whole thing so much more without any pressure. I found it so refreshing to just enjoy riding my bike in a beautiful part of Scotland, where the only objective was to get from A to B, rather than being so focussed on numbers & minimising stopped time etc. This thought about developing the right mindset was a shift towards fast touring rather than racing. I like riding hard; I know I’m able to ride strong over long distance. But right now, I’m struggling with the mental game in racing; I’m not enjoying putting myself under pressure.

When I spoke to my parents after the scratch, I had to take it on the chin big time. They believe in me, yet for the second year running I had to explain what went wrong. My dad questioned why I was so hell bent on racing, referring to all the other incredible riders out there just going to simply ride it – not race – and take as long as they needed. It got me thinking, when it became clear I couldn’t race, I just called it off. Instead, I could’ve just toured the route & enjoyed my weekend. The more I thought, the more I realised that my physical condition might be decent level amateur (on the right day!), but my mindset is still 100% ‘hobby’.

It’s taken time for me to realise & accept this, but now I have, it’s probably best for me to stop worrying about going all or bust & then getting frustrated when things don’t go right. Whilst I’m still developing the right mindset, I need to just enjoy riding long distance – and focus on simply getting some finishes under my belt.

This though was in my head on the run up to All Points North – however APN22 was one the races I earmarked as ‘give it everything’ after doing pretty well in 2021. So rather naively I packed up my bike as light as I felt appropriate, again ‘racing or nothing’ approach. It backfired (hear me out before you call me an idiot!).

Now that I’ve accepted where I am physically & mentally, I’ve been able to take the steps to rectify & start thinking about developing the right mindset. I spent 6 weeks prior to APN addressing the issues I’d neglected all winter, with the help of Fiona at Roadside Therapy. So, although my long-distance condition wasn’t what I’d like, I felt much healthier & stronger going into the race.

I got through 400km on All Points North but called it a day 18 hours into the ride. The bottom line is I just wasn’t enjoying it; I simply could not get into that rhythm where everything becomes harmonious. Whilst I wasn’t having any problems, I did have one eye on the problems I worked hard over the last 6 weeks to fix & the other eye on events coming up – so again, I didn’t feel like I had enough invested in the race to push any barriers.

The 400km I did felt harder that I’d have like – maybe more to do with the fact it was overnight, pouring with rain for 14hours & riding over every hill in Bowland, the Dales & Lakes! I got to Penrith where, despite the sun finally coming out, I couldn’t find any more motivation to continue. I’m all for suffering and endurance, but under my circumstances, there’s a line I was happy to draw that day. So, I got a train back to Sheffield.

It was on the train home I had my moment of realization; I like riding a long way, but not in race conditions. I like ultra-distance, but not racing. I really wish I’d listened to my dad & took a touring approach to All Points North, rather than trying to race hard – that way I’d have been able to enjoy the full weekend & nice weather out on the east coast, rather than writing this.

Having had time to reflect on this moment of realisation, I’ve accepted there is so much more to this journey than just physical training. I think this graph, with me at ‘Discouragingly Realistic’ is an accurate representation of my current position.

I set off in 2021 with loads of enthusiasm (Clueless). It didn’t work – I got injured on the 2021 Dales Divide & it wrote off my summer. I didn’t change anything, I just got fit & tried again; this time having success with APN21 (Naively Confident). But then another knock down; Spring 2022. Now I’m in this trough on the graph where I realise just training hard isn’t enough. I always thought just putting the hours in the bike will pay the dividends. I’m now realising that I know what I don’t know & if I want to progress from ‘hobby enthusiast’ to amateur and further, then there’s so much learning to do & it starts with developing the right mindset.

The root cause of my problems essentially comes to down to overload, but overload as a result of inconsistency. 20-25 hours training a week isn’t a problem if dispersed evenly throughout the week, where recovery is allowed to happen. Doing 3 big endurance rides, or 3 tempo/hill climb/threshold rides back-to-back obviously isn’t sensible – especially when not warming up/cooling down properly, not eating & sleeping consistently – and not doing my S&C off the bike. It took an injury & an appointment with a physio to see, and understand, the error of my ways.

I was fine all through winter; able to keep my discipline, training twice a day, never more than I needed to on the turbo. I was eating right and doing my recovery right. I found living the right lifestyle & managing it alongside fulltime job was easy. Then spring came and the nice summer evenings with it, I found myself out riding for longer in the evenings, which was great. But all that did was create inconsistencies. Rather than just 2-3 I’d be out 3,4,5 hours. It meant my eating patterns weren’t right, I wasn’t doing my recovery properly & I wasn’t sleeping as well. I was moving rides around to suit the weather, panicking to make sure I fit all my planned rides in the week. That in itself creates more problems & fluctuation. I found myself needing more rest time, then low and behold, the inconsistencies are what’s lead to my knee problems resurfacing.

In short, I’m learning; I’m developing the right mindset, transitioning from hobby mindset, where I just ride for the love of it – to amateur, where I’m realising I need to do all the ‘lifestyle’ things in order to make the effort I put into training worthwhile. I’ve started researching more into nutrition, understanding my own body & its requirements. I go for physio appointments now for strength and condition programs. I realise discipline & routine is the foundation; changing my mindset to prioritise this is where I’m at on this journey.

I think it takes a lot to be truthfully honest with yourself; to take a minute for personal reflection. In doing this I feel like I’ve made peace with myself. I’ve come to terms with the fact that racing isn’t for me – not right now. I’ve tried it & I just can’t get into the mindset needed to push it & keep pushing it, well beyond the point where it feels uncomfortable. I ride bikes as its means of exploration, the ultra-distance routes I want to ride absolutely tick that box. But the idea of racing as hard as possible just isn’t for me at the moment. I still fully intend being a part of the ultra-community, just not aiming to be at the front end.